don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
