The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Houston, we have a blender
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
