I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
