he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
