Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
your like the ambassador to my penis.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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