That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
