he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
this hospital has no fireball
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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