I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
