I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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