Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
