its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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