the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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