i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
