So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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