I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
