talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
