You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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