so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
