I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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