I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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