yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
