I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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