i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My penis needs a shock collar
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i think my cat just said my name.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
