everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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