There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
