Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
