You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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