Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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