Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Mom said you looked used
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
