not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
