The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
