Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
