Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
