Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
