have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
