My nipple is on Facebook.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
