Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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