So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
