you will always have a special place in my vag
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
