Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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