I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
