So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
