i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
