My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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