I faked an abortion last night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
