Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
