I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
