Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
