I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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