Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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