Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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