You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
