You just made me feel so damn special
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
