I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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