So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
